Penile Birth (Via Penis)
Andrew Louis "Drew" Pickles is the founder and leader of The Barney Bunch. Born June 9, 1969, he is a Drewish-American gay sex porn star, internationally known for his openly homosexual behavior, prolific pornographic filmography, frequent performance of homosexual intercourse, holding the title of "gayest man in the universe," and being the son of gay sex porn star, Lou Pickles. Drew Pickles holds an extensive criminal history of sexual misconduct, predominantly pertaining to rape, sodomy, and more frequently lesser charges of indecent exposure and disorderly conduct. Despite this, Pickles had managed to maintain voluntary gay sex and, in general, accept requests to avoid legal trouble, since an interview conducted in the early 1990s. He is also the longtime boyfriend of Barney. He is also the lead vocalist and bassist for the Drewish rock band, The Sexy Sexy Dildis. He is also the inventor of his world-famous Poopy Pies. Details Drew Pickles uses the same appearance as the Rugrats character of the same name. He is white with orange-brown/auburn hair and a long nose, wearing broad, green-rimmed glasses (sometimes black). He wears brown leather shoes, cyan pants, and a light blue dress shirt. Over the shirt is a purple and turquoise sweater vest with a red trim at the collar. The exact saturation of color varies from picture to picture, though this could be based on the amount of cum absorbed into the particular article(s) of clothing/his hair, making it lighter or darker. He follows the standard sound effects style and uses the Microsoft Sam voice, the pitch can range from highest to lowest, depending on the video maker. Drew Pickles is known for being the gayest man alive, and will act according to this title. He is often depicted in videos going to locations or applying for jobs at locations and subsequently raping every male at that location, while killing every female. Most locations have long lines, and upon the first rape scene, it is stated that he pulls out his "mastodonic 300 mile long p-p-p-penis" and rapes all the men in said line. Rape scenes occur throughout the videos and are better with more variety in sounds, despite use of similar styles. Drew will also use just about any object as a dialdo. From actual dildis to dead bodies (even though it is uncommon for him to shove the dead bodies of females up his ass, it has been done). At the end of most of the videos, he rapes a character known as The Manager but there are certain exceptions to this rule depending on the style used and whether he accompanies other characters or not, as well as the general storyline. However, the usual rape scene end quote is still used; "Bag, that was swell." Penis Size It was widely believed that Drew Pickles' penis size was 300 miles long. Later, he has claimed that his penis was actually 90 billion light years long. This too has since been proclaimed false, according to an interview on March 15, 2010, where he confirmed that his penis was actually infinitely long. Another question that comes to mind when people ask about his penis is, "If his penis is so large, then how does it fit in an asshole?" According to Drew, the male anus can stretch to over 3,000,000 times its original size. Therefore, he can fuck any male he wishes to, with any penis size. When using his penis in epic battle, he refers it to as his "mastodonic 300 spartan army mile long cock." He also states that it's as hard as diamond, hard enough to rape Danny Cat. Usually, though, it is referred to as being 300 miles long. History Childhood Drew Pickles was born at Rainbow Children's Hospital in San Diego, California, United States, on June 9, 1969, to Louis Kalhern Pickles II (of English, Canadian, and Polish descent) and Sue Pickles (of Norwegian, Irish and German descent). Drew's maternal grandfather was a farmer in the Seattle area, and his maternal grandmother was an actress from Tulsa, Oklahoma. Lou Pickles stated in his autobiographic writing, Life as a Homosexual Acrobat: the Lou Pickles Faze (among several other reasons pertaining to gay support); The following year after his birth, Pickles' parents gave birth to a baby named Stu, because, according to the father, he would accompany Drew in homosexuality. A week after Stu was born, Drew killed his mother for taking his candy away by decapitating her with his penis, which was examined by doctors to be three inches at birth. By the age of two, Pickles' penis had grown to three feet long and was noticed to resize of his own control. In Pickles' autobiography, Gay, Gay Man: Life as the Gayest Man in the Universe, he states that his penis grew due to consistent exposure of gay "kid-friendly" pornographic films his father showed him, and various sex toys that lay in his play-pen. By the age of four, his dick, according to doctors, was confirmed to be thirty feet and eight inches long, breaking the world record of longest penis as a minor, with the previous record held by his father at nineteen feet and six inches. In 1976, shortly before attending his first day of school, Lou Pickles opened the Magic Wrench Repair Shop, and Drew would often get in trouble as he would shove all of the broken electronic appliances up his ass as if they were dildis. Lou would often punish Drew by forcing him to wear girls' clothing and marching him around town in order to embarrass him afterwards. Two years thereafter, Pickles was left in charge by life-long boyfriend Barney the Dinosaur to write screenplays for the aforementioned's gay pornos that were in production at that time. Drew worked for 10 years in the field of screenwriting, ultimately retiring at age 18 to focus on his-then fledgling acting career. Pickles attended La Jolla Elementary School in San Diego at the age of five. His kindergarten teacher described Pickles as an intelligent young man and had proper motor skills, but was extremely disruptive and would sexually harass fellow students. In one incident reported to faculty and school district police, Pickles was said to have taken a building block and a sodomize a six-year-old fellow male student with it. He was subsequently suspended from the school for five days and was required to take a class on respecting other students' bodies and keeping one's hands to themselves. A second incident was reported to school district police when Pickles, at the age of seven and while in the first grade, ejaculated all over the school restrooms, and took pictures of boys naked while in the stalls. He was taken into police custody where they questioned him, asking if his father, Lou, abused him. Pickles denied any abuse from his father, however, Lou Pickles failed to respond to police about allegations of abuse of his son, and Drew and was charged with obstruction of justice. The charge was dropped, but Lou Pickles was required to take a parenting class for six months and pay a $1,000 fine for his son's vandalism of school property. Several other similar incidents were reported, mostly consisting of sexual disturbances reported by male students who were uncomfortable with Pickles' presence. In one case, while at the age of ten and while in fifth grade, Drew Pickles was charged with sexual battery and disorderly conduct after allegedly slapping a male student's buttocks and forcing him into a corner with a pair of scissors, asking him to perform fellatio and anal sex with him. The victim of the sexual battery later fled, and at least eight people witnessed the incident. Pickles served one month in a juvenile detention facility and was required to take a class on sexual discomfort. He had passed the class, and according to the instructor of the class, Pickles was well behaved and was just expressing his homosexuality. When Drew Pickles was 11 years old, a flying penis warned him of the coming return of the alien homophobia god Swellnomore. Thus, he gathered his current friends at the time, Barney, Chaz Finster and The Quaker Queer to fight against the oncoming threat. Swellnomore was defeated in 1982 at Mt. Vagina, where he was hiding. This event would later become the basis for a 1992 porno directed, written and starring Pickles entitled Drew Pickles vs. Swellnomore. Adolescence A week after defeating Swellnomore and graduating 5th grade, Pickles had defecated all over his elementary school's walls and rubbed his buttocks on six male students' faces and urinated all over the campus sidewalks. He was taken into police custody and Lou Pickles was arrested on child neglect for allegedly not taking proper care of his son and letting him express sexual misconduct at school. Before entering junior high school, Pickles already had two sexual battery charges on his juvenile criminal record. One charge was filed while he was 12 and in the sixth grade, for rubbing his penis on a male friend's face at his house; the second charge was one month after the previous incident, for performing fellatio with two male students in the school bathroom stall. The incidents were reportedly caught on security cameras. The charge of sexual battery for the fellatio was dropped, and instead, Pickles was charged with statutory rape due to the fact the two were intentionally performing sexual acts and no threatening was involved. Pickles' adolescence was also marked with constant sexual misconduct and run-ins with the police. On the day of his 13th birthday, Pickles was charged with several sexual-related felonies during a birthday party celebration. He invited his friends from Bernardo Heights Junior High School to his house; Chaz Finster, then 12, Howard Deville, then 13, Randy Carmichael, then 14, his brother Stu Pickles, then 12, and Derrik Michaels, then 13, who was the captain of the Bernardo Heights seventh grade football team. All of the guests were homosexual with the exception of Michaels, who was heterosexual, but had sexually aroused Pickles. Michaels was lured in his house for Pickles to pretend to be a girl Michaels liked at school, and Pickles would act seductive to have Michaels believe so. Derrik Michaels was knocked unconscious and was tied up by Pickles and his friends once he entered the house. Michaels had been raped; having fellatio performed on him as well as anal sex. Once Michaels woke up from a coma, he was laying on the sidewalk where the sexual batterers had left him. He subsequently called 911, where Pickles and the other defendants were charged with aggravated sexual battery, aggravated assault, rape, seducing by posing, and sodomy. All defendants were sentenced to five years in a juvenile detention center, but only served two years and eleven months due to good behavior. They were held on probation until they all turned 18. A second incident of sexual misconduct occurred while Pickles was 16, only seven months after being released from the youth center, where he had assaulted three men with a pellet gun and forced them into a corner of their house in Granite Hills for anal rape. Pickles, who evaded the scene of the crime, was located in an Oxnard hotel a week later, after allegedly hosting a gay strip club party that night. The following morning Pickles was arraigned on charges of assault, rape, and battery, and was placed in a boarding school for sexually troubled and abused boys until he was a legal adult. Despite the fact that Pickles had been in and out of a juvenile detention facility most of his teenage years, he had managed to attend West Hill and Monte Vista High Schools in Santee, California while serving supervised probation. He graduated from Monte Vista, where he then attended San Diego Mesa College. Adult Years In January 1988, at the age of 17, Pickles started a career in the gay porn industry as an actor, after years of writing scripts for Barney's gay pornos since the late 50's. His first porno, "Drew Pickles Fucks Chaz Finster", was hailed as a pornographic masterpiece, and a must-have for any effeminately gay faggot. It was a perfect debut for the gay and horny son of the world's most famous gay pornstar, but his big break came two years later, with his 14th porno, titled "Cocksuckers From The Soviet Union" which finally broke gay porn into the mainstream porn industry, the one thing his father, Lou Pickles, couldn't do. The film is considered the holy grail of gay pornos. This earned Drew the title of "Gayest Man in the World." At first, there was some controversy surrounding the older Pickles losing the title to his son, but it soon became clear that there was no one, and will never be anyone, gayer than Drew Pickles. The following year, Drew moved out of San Diego's Hillcrest gay village, to San Francisco, in the Castro gay village, where Drew moved on with his career, and gained a porno cult following. However, Drew was not satisfied with San Francisco, so he pursued to create his own land which he became president of. In 1996, Pickles was arrested by the Cuban police after attempting to anally rape Fidel Castro. Drew escaped by sodomizing the guards and fled back to Drewland afterwards. A similar event occurred in England in 1999, where Drew was arrested at a Queen concert for jumping onstage and attempting to have oral sex with Freddie Mercury, but unlike the Fidel Castro incident, the police put Drew into submission and he was brought into police custody, only to be released 3 weeks after his arrest due to good behavior Not only was Pickles a gay porn star, he was also a gay stripper at a gay bar and worked as one for 35 years. He started working as a stripper in 1993, but then retired in 2006. His career as a stripper did not interfere with his presidency. On July 21, 2010, it was reported that Drew Pickles had raped Gerald McBoing-Boing and iChancerocks95 at his home in San Francisco. The intestines of both children were spattered all over the walls, and Drew's penis was still caught in McBoing-Boing's small intestine when authorities arrived due to an annonymous tip (some suspect it was Stu Pickles, who was angry because Drew said he couldn't join in on the fun, though this hasn't been confirmed by the authorities). Drew tried to kill the police with his penis by slugging them to death, but because McBoing-Boing's intestines were caught on his penis, Drew Pickles lost velocity and therefore the police were able to stop his cock from further motion. Drew was charged with assaulting an officer, as well as two accounts of rape, and one account of first degree murder of iChancerocks95. McBoing-Boing survived with minor anal injuries after immediate medical attention. In 2011, Drew was caught making 'jokes' on people by raping them with his 300 mile long cock, the charges were dropped immediately for no known reason. Later that year, Drew went to Panem to play in the Hunger Games, but ended up destroying the arena, turning President Snow gay, and renaming him President Cum, who still rules Panem, thereby establishing the Swell Games. In 2012, Drew went to North Korea & raped the communists there due to the death of Kim Jong-Straight. The following year, Drew was arrested in England after raping Prince George in his baby asshole and was sentenced to life in prison without any possibility of parole. Luckily, the Barney Bunch helped to break Drew out. He is currently one of the most wanted men in the United Kingdom. On March 19, 2014, Drew & the Barney Bunch raped Fred Phelps to death in a Kansas hospice. He also opened the Barney Bunch Swelluseum later that year. The museum contains several artifacts related to the Barney Bunch on display such as props from their gay pornos, Drew Pickles' very first dildo, etc. The museum is located in east Drewland and is open on weekends from 6:00 a.m.-9:00 p.m. It is also said that Drew Pickles will appear as one of the bosses in an upcoming game, Super Mario World 4. He resides in a castle with many pencil pillars and spiky pillars, possibly with balls and chains too. Nothing has been confirmed regarding his fighting style yet, but Drew has been confirmed as a character in the game. Personal Life Drew Pickles married to Charlotte Pickles, a lesbian woman, on March 31, 1986 in Twentynine Palms, California. Though homosexual and staunchly against straight marriage, Drew Pickles had decided to marry Charlotte Pickles to evade requests to be married by other gay men around the world, a few of them resulting into death threats if marriage was declined. Charlotte Pickles seemed to have a similar conflict among other lesbian women from her native city of Las Vegas, Nevada, who requested marriage to her. In Drew Pickles' autobiographical writing, Why I Married Her, the marriage had no element of romance and was to keep a life distanced from violent sexual offenders who requested marriage, and to retain sexual confidence. Charlotte Pickles gave birth to Angelica Pickles on February 3, 1988 at the Sharp Mesa Vista Hospital in San Diego. The birth of Angelica Pickles was confirmed to be an accident as one day, Drew Pickles had sprayed an ejaculation of four pounds of semen in his bedroom after masturbating to gay porn, some of the semen going into his wife's vagina. Even though the two had made attempts to abort their child, doctors had found it too difficult to prevent, thus making it an accidental birth. In a 1991 interview with 365Gay, Pickles stated the following. He was charged with child abuse and child endangerment in January 6, 1994 after letting his daughter play with his dildos as if they were toys, following a violent altercation between the two. Pickles was required to take a weekly class on child care by homosexual fathers. In March 1, 1994, his daughter was taken away from her home by Child Protective Services because of a report by neighbors of it being an extremely reckless environment for a child. The exposure of sex toys and devices had alerted the Child Protective Services to become aware of the household. Also, police say the house was adulterated by his feces and semen all over the walls, carpet, and floors. Drew and Charlotte Pickles were arrested following their daughter's removal from the house, and were booked on charges of child endangerment, reckless parenting, corrupting the welfare of a child, and child neglect. Drew Pickles was sentenced to up to two years and three months of prison while his wife was sentenced up to eight months. Pickles only served one year and two months, once again for good behavior, and his wife had only been placed on a probation after spending two weeks at a state jail. Both were required to take a parenting class. Drew was also caught sneaking in an "illegal" dildo at a private nightclub in Amsterdam on December 29, 2009, but charges were dropped. That next January, Drew was suspected of causing mischief at a farmer's market in Cape Town, South Africa. No charges were filed. To celebrate the legalization of gay marriage in the United States the previous day, Drew and Barney finally got married on June 27, 2015. Their wedding was broadcast live on television and was watched by an estimated global television audience of 69 billion, making it the most watched live event in LGBT history. Pickles currently lives in the Swell House in Drewland, where he performs sexual acts with other gay men on a regular basis. His daughter, Angelica, currently lives in San Diego, estranged from him, and his wife Charlotte currently lives in a small apartment in south San Francisco, also separated from Drew. He has five residence homes and two summer homes. His residence homes are located in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Queens, and Vancouver. His two summer homes are located in Honolulu, and Pattaya. He also drives a penis car. Collaborations with Dumbass Dinosaurs Ever since April of 2015, Pickles has been a frequent collaborator with a small YouTube channel under the name of Dumbass Dinosaurs. His first collaboration with Dumbass Dinosaurs, entitled Facts About The Earth, was uploaded on April 22, 2015. In the video, he portrays a nameless earthworm who tells the audience nonsensical facts about Earth, such as "1% of the Earth's surface is covered in Mountain Dew" and "The Earth isn't a strawberry". The video has, as of now, garnered 735 views. The following month, Drew guest starred as himself in a two-part video titled Drew Pickles Goes To Dinosaur Town, uploaded on May 12th and May 19, 2015 respectively. In it, Drew wreaks havoc in Dinosaur Town (the location where Dumbass Dinosaurs' videos take place) and terrorizes its citizens with his homosexual antics. At the end, Drew is defeated by sticking his penis in a cat food machine and is made into cat food, thus bringing an end to his shenanigans. These two videos are responsible for exposing Dumbass Dinosaurs to The Speakonia Community, and in total, the two videos have 2,434 views. In July, Drew reprised his role as the earthworm from Facts About The Earth in its sequel video, Facts About Pluto, uploaded on July 16, 2015. The video currently has 1,585 views. Drew has a brief cameo appearance in Dumbass Dinosaurs' most recent video, Doge RAM Commercial, asking the titular Doge if he can shove the RAM up his ass. Filmography See here for more info. To date, Pickles has starred in over 100,000 gay pornographic films, earning approximately USD $8,500,000 annually and are the most watched homosexual pornographic films worldwide. Most of his pornographic films are surrealistic and are set on green screen, filmed at resorts in Baja California, Mexico, and San Francisco, California. In recognition of for the pornographic videos, 365Gay News applauds the "immediate fuck-you-hard stimulation." Drew starred in the The Drew Pickles Show, created for the LGBT-based channel, Logo, since its premier in 1991, and its spin-off, Drew's Grown Down, But Not His Penis Size, which premiered in 2003. Gallery Image:rrcau10a.jpg|Drew Pickles, full body shot. Image:DrewPickles.gif|Drew's swell face. Image:Drew2.png|Drew, having an orgasm. Image:Char 31919.jpg|Drew trying to flirt with men. File:Drew 1.jpg|Drew talking to one of his many fuck-buddies. File:Drew annoyed.png|Drew waiting in a long line. Image:Char 31951.jpg|Drew mad at the homophobes. Image:Kingdrew.png|Drew is a furry. Image:Drew333.jpg|Drew masturbating. File:Drew 2.jpg|Drew about to suck Howard Deville's penis. Image:Drew, Stu, and Chaz.jpg|Drew thinking about raping Stu and Chaz at the mall. Image:Drew and Stu playing golf.png|Stu and Drew playing golf. After they are done playing, they use the golf clubs as dildis. Image:Drew Hanging a Skeleton.jpg|Drew hanging a scary skeleton decoration to scare any females and homophobes away on Halloween. Image:Drew carrying Candy.png|Drew with his candy made out of shit. He passes them out to LGBT faggot trick-or-treaters only. Image:Drew Talking on a g y s x hotline.jpg|Drew talking through his gay sex hotline. Image:Drew talking through a thing.png|Drew using his walkie-talkie dialdo. Image:Drew finger.png|"You better not be jacking off to straight porn!" File:Drew mouth open.png|Drew about to perform a "crunchy" blowjob on Barney's cock. File:Drew unamused.jpg|"I find your lack of homosexuality disturbing." File:Drew smiling stupidly.jpg|Drew having a moment of stupidity. File:Drew orgasm face.jpg|Drew receiving a swell blowjob from Barney while driving the penis car. File:Drew orgasms 2.jpg|Drew orgasming while driving the penis car. File:Drew_skippy_selfie.jpg|Selfie of Drew and Skippy the Bunion Bush Kangaroo of the Ketchum Klan. File:Drew_bb_drew_pickles_show_pre_prod_'91.jpg|Drew and the rest of the Barney Bunch during production of the first season of The Drew Pickles Show, 1991. File:Dick's_penis_is_an_effin'_squirrel_head.jpg|Drew (center wearing clown mask) hanging out with the clowns of the Barney Bunch. File:Drew_Pickles_(All_Grown_Up).png|Drew's grown down... but not his penis size! File:80's_Drew_Pickles_with_effects.png|What Drew looked like in the 80's. File:Drewbnnwed copybb.png|Drew and Barney as old farts. File:Drewspying.jpg|Drew watching Justin Bieber undress and take a shower. File:Drewee.png|Drew reading Boys Life magazine and he also reads Play Girl. File:Drew pickles the colossal titan visits lake hoohaw by ultrasponge-d92opnc.png|Drew made of shit in some shitty PB&J Otter hate art made by a 13-30 year old Something Awful goon wannabe. File:Drew pickles your swell host by avionscreator-d805kxe.png|Drew Pickles in his armchair. File:Drew&StuBeGrillin.png|Drew and Stu at Blue's Pool Party cookin' up some BBQ food (Beach Bear held the camera while stroking his pencil penis to Bozo the Clown dildo pornos). File:Photoswell.png|A naked picture of the Drew Crew (Betty DeVille, in addition to photobombing this picture, was holding the camera). Trivia *Drew Pickles' bisexual clone, whose debut came from this video, is not in the Barney Bunch, most likely so that both of them aren't confused for each other. **Bisexual Drew is also a very controversial character to discuss in Drewland's political debates. See Also The Barney Bunch Drewland Stu Pickles Lou Pickles Barney Category:Major Members Category:Barney Bunch Category:Barney Bunch Members Category:Pickles Family Category:Drew Pickles Category:Drewland Government Category:M-san Bunch Allies Category:Girlsored Bunch Enemies Category:Masochists Category:Rapists Category:Nordic Race Category:Irish Category:Norwegians Category:Germans Category:Polish Category:Canadians Category:British Category:Collectors Category:Farters Category:Topaz Category:Baby Boomers Category:Grunge singers Category:Nicktoons